Today is a day that I have remembered every year for the past 7 years. It must be etched in the recesses of my brain, like a folder in an old filing cabinet. Every year, it seems to get resurrected from that cabinet like it is lost and I was on a mission to find it. This day, January 10, 2001 was the first day of my first A-C chemo treatment, one of four for that cycle of drugs that I had that year.
This day just seems to pop up in my mind. I remember my visit with my oncologist prior to treatment too. I remember almost going there with "bag and baggage" of reading materials, crosswords, portable tape player and tapes, lite snacks, water, etc. like I was ready for a "day at the beach"...only thing I did not have was flip flops, a towel and sunglasses!!!! But it was the middle of the winter too!!!! Gee,was I prepared!!!
I remember the treatment was longer the first time, making sure all the "t's" were crossed and "i's" dotted -- the extra time for the staff to fully explain the what and why they were doing with those drugs, etc. It seemed that I was there for an eternity, even though the treatment only ran about 90 minutes, but I was there since 10:30 a.m. and did not leave until after 2:30 p.m.
I actually did not feel that badly when I left his office and chemo room. I was given all the instructions on what to do for the next several days, plenty of water to drink, how to deal with the bouts of nausea, vomiting. But I did not feel that badly...maybe I would not need any of that. I was surely hopeful!!!!.
So home I went to take a much needed nap, because I could not sleep in that chair, I was rather curious as to what was going on around me. So a nap was surely in line. Upon waking an hour or so later proved to me, that I needed to hang on to those instructions I was given at the office a few hours earlier. For me, the side effects became very evident. My first night I did not fare so well. I still remember....could I get through it all, 7 more treatments...would they all be like this, worse or maybe better as I progressed through my chemo calendar. Into the night, a few calls to the office, a call to the pharmacist for "EXTRA" nausea meds. I need to take this stuff so I can get some more sleep.
My master bathroom is quite large, 10 x 12 feet, so rather than up and down throughout the night, I decided to make it a comfortable "hang out" on the floor with the cushions from my couch, blanket, night light, music, rosary beads until I drifted off to sleep in the night. I did drift off. Thank God.
I did make it to the next day....no vomiting....just nausea...and that was how it was for me for those continuous cycles....very bad nausea. So more drugs to combat that each time until combinations worked for me. The thing I felt most accomplished for me to do the next day was to run to my calendar on which I had circled the dates of my chemo treatments. I ran with RED PEN in hand and put the "largest X" I could on that day, 1/10/01...IT WAS OVER!!!! 7 to go!!!! And each month I looked forward to that...it gave me a sense that I was fighting and I was winning!!!! Cancer will not get me down!!!!
And it is funny (strange) how sometimes even to this day, something triggers my sense of smell of those chemo drugs without warning. The smell of the drugs come back to my senses and lingers for a few minutes. Just reminders for me for what was implanted in my body.
It is different for other people...not everyone has the same side effects and degree of side effects. And I had to go through this every 3 weeks. I must say I had to pray my way through these. But I got through them with the help and prayers of my family and friends. I always tell people that it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life...but life is hard and even more hard when you want to survive in it for you, your family, your friends. Thank God I endured.
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