Today is a day that I have remembered every year for the past 7 years. It must be etched in the recesses of my brain, like a folder in an old filing cabinet. Every year, it seems to get resurrected from that cabinet like it is lost and I was on a mission to find it. This day, January 10, 2001 was the first day of my first A-C chemo treatment, one of four for that cycle of drugs that I had that year.
This day just seems to pop up in my mind. I remember my visit with my oncologist prior to treatment too. I remember almost going there with "bag and baggage" of reading materials, crosswords, portable tape player and tapes, lite snacks, water, etc. like I was ready for a "day at the beach"...only thing I did not have was flip flops, a towel and sunglasses!!!! But it was the middle of the winter too!!!! Gee,was I prepared!!!
I remember the treatment was longer the first time, making sure all the "t's" were crossed and "i's" dotted -- the extra time for the staff to fully explain the what and why they were doing with those drugs, etc. It seemed that I was there for an eternity, even though the treatment only ran about 90 minutes, but I was there since 10:30 a.m. and did not leave until after 2:30 p.m.
I actually did not feel that badly when I left his office and chemo room. I was given all the instructions on what to do for the next several days, plenty of water to drink, how to deal with the bouts of nausea, vomiting. But I did not feel that badly...maybe I would not need any of that. I was surely hopeful!!!!.
So home I went to take a much needed nap, because I could not sleep in that chair, I was rather curious as to what was going on around me. So a nap was surely in line. Upon waking an hour or so later proved to me, that I needed to hang on to those instructions I was given at the office a few hours earlier. For me, the side effects became very evident. My first night I did not fare so well. I still remember....could I get through it all, 7 more treatments...would they all be like this, worse or maybe better as I progressed through my chemo calendar. Into the night, a few calls to the office, a call to the pharmacist for "EXTRA" nausea meds. I need to take this stuff so I can get some more sleep.
My master bathroom is quite large, 10 x 12 feet, so rather than up and down throughout the night, I decided to make it a comfortable "hang out" on the floor with the cushions from my couch, blanket, night light, music, rosary beads until I drifted off to sleep in the night. I did drift off. Thank God.
I did make it to the next day....no vomiting....just nausea...and that was how it was for me for those continuous cycles....very bad nausea. So more drugs to combat that each time until combinations worked for me. The thing I felt most accomplished for me to do the next day was to run to my calendar on which I had circled the dates of my chemo treatments. I ran with RED PEN in hand and put the "largest X" I could on that day, 1/10/01...IT WAS OVER!!!! 7 to go!!!! And each month I looked forward to that...it gave me a sense that I was fighting and I was winning!!!! Cancer will not get me down!!!!
And it is funny (strange) how sometimes even to this day, something triggers my sense of smell of those chemo drugs without warning. The smell of the drugs come back to my senses and lingers for a few minutes. Just reminders for me for what was implanted in my body.
It is different for other people...not everyone has the same side effects and degree of side effects. And I had to go through this every 3 weeks. I must say I had to pray my way through these. But I got through them with the help and prayers of my family and friends. I always tell people that it was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life...but life is hard and even more hard when you want to survive in it for you, your family, your friends. Thank God I endured.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Some Solace-some Sanctuary.
There really is no way to tell someone how it feels to get -to undergo-Chemotherapy. There is really no feeling that you have ever had that compares to it. The closest one might come is to say that it would feel like the worst 'hangover' you have ever had-but then multilpy it several times over and it lasts a long time-days perhaps.
But this is 'normal' abnormal' to feel this way. Chemos job is to go into your body and destroy' whatever it can without killing you. The objective is to kill as many of the 'bad' cells as is possible without killing you in the process.
The members of the 'Chemo. gang' know this all to well. We wish we didn't . We wish we could tell you that when you have come to this 'site' you will see flowers and butterflies and peaceful landscape.
That would be telling you a lie. That would serve no purpose at all.
But this bleak picture painted is also a picture of a struggle. A struggle to get control of your body back. That at the end of the 'gauntlet' you will reach those butterflies and birds and peaceful times.
You can 'live' again. You must fight the good fight.
We hope to help you by showing you what the 'enemy looks like and can recognize him and be prepared best you can.
Bill
But this is 'normal' abnormal' to feel this way. Chemos job is to go into your body and destroy' whatever it can without killing you. The objective is to kill as many of the 'bad' cells as is possible without killing you in the process.
The members of the 'Chemo. gang' know this all to well. We wish we didn't . We wish we could tell you that when you have come to this 'site' you will see flowers and butterflies and peaceful landscape.
That would be telling you a lie. That would serve no purpose at all.
But this bleak picture painted is also a picture of a struggle. A struggle to get control of your body back. That at the end of the 'gauntlet' you will reach those butterflies and birds and peaceful times.
You can 'live' again. You must fight the good fight.
We hope to help you by showing you what the 'enemy looks like and can recognize him and be prepared best you can.
Bill
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Valerie's Journey
I am one of the original members of the Chemo club, having met these wonderful people while I was undergoing treatment. Who would have thought that we would evolve into an online support group! I am blessed to call these people friends. No two stories are alike, but the feelings we have seem to be universal. Here is my story…..
My Cancer Journey
I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer on March 2, 2006. I felt as if I was in a bad dream, and it was happening to someone else. I cried and cried, as my doctor reassured me that I would live a long life. By the end of the month, I’d had a mastectomy and reconstruction of my left breast. My lymph nodes were clear. It was a long recovery process, but one that I was able to cope with.
I began chemotherapy in May of that year. It was a very difficult time for me, dealing with the many side effects and fatigue but also falling into a major depression. Since my chemotherapy ended, I have been climbing my way out of the depression and trying to regain the strength lost from the effects of the chemo.
People said I was brave. I didn’t see it that way. I felt I was just taking a day at a time, doing what I HAD to do in order to live, so I would be able to enjoy my husband, children and grandchildren. I didn’t want to leave them, so I did as much as I could to prevent a possible recurrence. While I was going through it, time dragged. If there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t see it. I thought it would never end. But it did end, and as I regain my strength, I am doing many of the things I dreamed of doing when I was sick. I wonder how I got through it. The answer was.. I just kept breathing. I lived through it and now am on the other side. What is the lesson in this? I believe it is that we are stronger than we ever thought possible.
During these past eight months, I have been receiving Herceptin treatments. This fairly new drug has been very successful in preventing recurrences of certain types of breast cancer. Although it is an infusion, there are no side effects. It is well worth the time to feel more secure about my health. As I write, I only have 4 treatments left.
I hope we are in a position to help those people currently going through treatment and those recently diagnosed. The only people who will truly understand are those who have “walked in your shoes”.
Valerie
My Cancer Journey
I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer on March 2, 2006. I felt as if I was in a bad dream, and it was happening to someone else. I cried and cried, as my doctor reassured me that I would live a long life. By the end of the month, I’d had a mastectomy and reconstruction of my left breast. My lymph nodes were clear. It was a long recovery process, but one that I was able to cope with.
I began chemotherapy in May of that year. It was a very difficult time for me, dealing with the many side effects and fatigue but also falling into a major depression. Since my chemotherapy ended, I have been climbing my way out of the depression and trying to regain the strength lost from the effects of the chemo.
People said I was brave. I didn’t see it that way. I felt I was just taking a day at a time, doing what I HAD to do in order to live, so I would be able to enjoy my husband, children and grandchildren. I didn’t want to leave them, so I did as much as I could to prevent a possible recurrence. While I was going through it, time dragged. If there was a light at the end of the tunnel, I couldn’t see it. I thought it would never end. But it did end, and as I regain my strength, I am doing many of the things I dreamed of doing when I was sick. I wonder how I got through it. The answer was.. I just kept breathing. I lived through it and now am on the other side. What is the lesson in this? I believe it is that we are stronger than we ever thought possible.
During these past eight months, I have been receiving Herceptin treatments. This fairly new drug has been very successful in preventing recurrences of certain types of breast cancer. Although it is an infusion, there are no side effects. It is well worth the time to feel more secure about my health. As I write, I only have 4 treatments left.
I hope we are in a position to help those people currently going through treatment and those recently diagnosed. The only people who will truly understand are those who have “walked in your shoes”.
Valerie
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Giving Back
Hello friends,
This is such a wonderful idea. As I read through the posts, I realized that meeting my friends in the Chemo Gang during what was one of the worst times of my life has turned out to be the silver lining that has come out of it all. The personal support I have received from everyone has been so appreciated. And so I will be happy to "give back".
Valerie
This is such a wonderful idea. As I read through the posts, I realized that meeting my friends in the Chemo Gang during what was one of the worst times of my life has turned out to be the silver lining that has come out of it all. The personal support I have received from everyone has been so appreciated. And so I will be happy to "give back".
Valerie
It is a New Year!!!
A Happy New Year to all who read this.
I know that many who might be reading this and directed to our Chemo Gang site have come a long way on a journey, a journey that maybe they never thought they dreamed they would be on...a cancer journey. The journey that was then or is now truly a journey of struggle to get to the other side. The journey comes with pain, numbness, maybe sleepless nights and days, anxiety, depression, tiredness, confusion. You might feel you are "stuck in the middle". BUT, BUT....
try not to stay there for too long, concentrate on the finishing of this journey...see yourself at the end of your treatments, whether they are chemo, radiation or both. See yourself on the road to healing and recovery. See that you have learned some things while there, maybe some tough learning. See your world and your life with new eyes for that is what this journey gives you!!!! See that this journey has shown you a different way to approach life, things -- things that you might have considered so important to you before this journey, and now they have been erased from your list!!.
See yourself in this NEW YEAR, everyday changing, growing, healing, healing, healing! See yourself picking up where you left off, before your journey, but now with a new mindset.
The journey is so different for everyone on it...some struggle more than others...but we all took it together....we understand because we were there at some point.
My wish and hope and prayer for you who are on it right now is that it will be over soon and you will be strenthened, that your healing will come quickly and that you will be able to enjoy some of those things that you had "on hold" while waiting for this journey to come to completion. God Bless You in this New Year 2008!!!
Mary Ann T.
I know that many who might be reading this and directed to our Chemo Gang site have come a long way on a journey, a journey that maybe they never thought they dreamed they would be on...a cancer journey. The journey that was then or is now truly a journey of struggle to get to the other side. The journey comes with pain, numbness, maybe sleepless nights and days, anxiety, depression, tiredness, confusion. You might feel you are "stuck in the middle". BUT, BUT....
try not to stay there for too long, concentrate on the finishing of this journey...see yourself at the end of your treatments, whether they are chemo, radiation or both. See yourself on the road to healing and recovery. See that you have learned some things while there, maybe some tough learning. See your world and your life with new eyes for that is what this journey gives you!!!! See that this journey has shown you a different way to approach life, things -- things that you might have considered so important to you before this journey, and now they have been erased from your list!!.
See yourself in this NEW YEAR, everyday changing, growing, healing, healing, healing! See yourself picking up where you left off, before your journey, but now with a new mindset.
The journey is so different for everyone on it...some struggle more than others...but we all took it together....we understand because we were there at some point.
My wish and hope and prayer for you who are on it right now is that it will be over soon and you will be strenthened, that your healing will come quickly and that you will be able to enjoy some of those things that you had "on hold" while waiting for this journey to come to completion. God Bless You in this New Year 2008!!!
Mary Ann T.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Getting Started
Getting started-in life-is hard ,sometimes--just ask a baby Turtle. But I think I am heading for the 'open sea' now.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Getting Started
This blog was created in the hopes that those needing a place to share their experiences with cancer, chemo and anything else pertaining to it, could come here as a refuge.
When you have been diagnosed with the big "C", so many thoughts run in and out of your mind at a "zillon" times per second. You may have just left the doctor's office and are shaking your head thinking, "How could this happen to me, what have I done or not done to get this". What will happen to me...I can't handle this, my family can't handle this...why, how, when, what!!!!!
I am here to say that I have been there...I asked those same questions over and over again. I once sat where you may be sitting now. And I THANK GOD I survived!!!!! It will be 7 years on December 13, 2000 that I was diagnosed with right breast cancer. Those few weeks after that were a complete blurr to me, right before the Christmas holidays, having to undergo breast surgery and finding out that "they got it all, but 1 out of 5 lymph nodes showed cancer infiltrating the edges", ERGO chemo and radiation. Then having to proceed through this journey that I was not at all ready to take (for me it was not a vacation). A lot of stuff has happened to me in my thinking about that time in my life....my life was changed forever due to that.
But in my journey down that road, I vowed to God, that as I made my way through that terrible ordeal, I would try and help as many others I could that would possibly end up in the same situation as I. I was given the gift of my life back and I promised I would help as many as I could, even if it was just to sit, listen, cry and laugh (when there was laughter) just to show that we can survive.
The idea for this blog actually came from a dear man who belongs to a prayer group I attend. He has had his share of cancer also and through his journey with it, journeying himself as well as in helping some in his family with it, came upon a group of people who would take their chemo sessions almost at the same time each cycle at the same facility. They became acquainted with one another and became known to themselves as THE CHEMO GANG. These beautiful people had different types of cancer, breast, colon, lymphoma, prostate, etc.
After talking about it at our prayer group, we started to pray for those in the "gang" that they would have the grace, be comforted and gain healing to hold on as they travel down this road. Because I had traveled that cancer road myself, he asked me if I would help out in talking to some of them on the phone if they needed someone to be there for them for support. Of course remembering the promise I made to God 7 years earlier, the answer was a definite yes.
And so I began to phone and email some of the members in this group and have since developed a personal bond with them. I answered that call to God, and He has certainly blessed me with these. I have gained friendships that are a treasure to me. I have met some of them too..others not yet, but I know there will come a day when I will meet face to face and give them a great big "hug". They allowed me into their life and I am most grateful for that.
So here we are....with that idea kicking around in Bill's head and we decided to give it a try...that there may be others who hear about us, need a place to just "be" and maybe just maybe someone on this blog has been through some type of cancer, can relate and give a word of wisdom that will touch that person's heart and make them feel at ease as they go down this road.
Our hearts are in the right place...we are here to help God's children....we know He will bless us for caring...and we will be blessed by what we share. SO WE ARE ON OUR WAY!!!!
Mary Ann T.
When you have been diagnosed with the big "C", so many thoughts run in and out of your mind at a "zillon" times per second. You may have just left the doctor's office and are shaking your head thinking, "How could this happen to me, what have I done or not done to get this". What will happen to me...I can't handle this, my family can't handle this...why, how, when, what!!!!!
I am here to say that I have been there...I asked those same questions over and over again. I once sat where you may be sitting now. And I THANK GOD I survived!!!!! It will be 7 years on December 13, 2000 that I was diagnosed with right breast cancer. Those few weeks after that were a complete blurr to me, right before the Christmas holidays, having to undergo breast surgery and finding out that "they got it all, but 1 out of 5 lymph nodes showed cancer infiltrating the edges", ERGO chemo and radiation. Then having to proceed through this journey that I was not at all ready to take (for me it was not a vacation). A lot of stuff has happened to me in my thinking about that time in my life....my life was changed forever due to that.
But in my journey down that road, I vowed to God, that as I made my way through that terrible ordeal, I would try and help as many others I could that would possibly end up in the same situation as I. I was given the gift of my life back and I promised I would help as many as I could, even if it was just to sit, listen, cry and laugh (when there was laughter) just to show that we can survive.
The idea for this blog actually came from a dear man who belongs to a prayer group I attend. He has had his share of cancer also and through his journey with it, journeying himself as well as in helping some in his family with it, came upon a group of people who would take their chemo sessions almost at the same time each cycle at the same facility. They became acquainted with one another and became known to themselves as THE CHEMO GANG. These beautiful people had different types of cancer, breast, colon, lymphoma, prostate, etc.
After talking about it at our prayer group, we started to pray for those in the "gang" that they would have the grace, be comforted and gain healing to hold on as they travel down this road. Because I had traveled that cancer road myself, he asked me if I would help out in talking to some of them on the phone if they needed someone to be there for them for support. Of course remembering the promise I made to God 7 years earlier, the answer was a definite yes.
And so I began to phone and email some of the members in this group and have since developed a personal bond with them. I answered that call to God, and He has certainly blessed me with these. I have gained friendships that are a treasure to me. I have met some of them too..others not yet, but I know there will come a day when I will meet face to face and give them a great big "hug". They allowed me into their life and I am most grateful for that.
So here we are....with that idea kicking around in Bill's head and we decided to give it a try...that there may be others who hear about us, need a place to just "be" and maybe just maybe someone on this blog has been through some type of cancer, can relate and give a word of wisdom that will touch that person's heart and make them feel at ease as they go down this road.
Our hearts are in the right place...we are here to help God's children....we know He will bless us for caring...and we will be blessed by what we share. SO WE ARE ON OUR WAY!!!!
Mary Ann T.
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